To love a L.E.O. is so many things
It is saying Good Morning I love you, and Good-Bye in the same sentence. It's tossing and turning trying to sleep on night shifts,then finally drifting off as they lay down beside you. It's praying they have a safe shift. It's sitting a certain way when you go out so their back isn't to the door. It's only being known by your last name or "so-and-so's" wife/husband. It's hearing stories of "bad" LEOs and knowing not all are like that. It's watching your LEO keep going day ater day with little appreciation. It's knowing a LEO's mind is always in police mode. So is their driving foot... Most of all it's a love that is so strong that you can't describe. To love a LEO is to glow with pride when you see them helping someone. It's smiling when someone shows them that they are appreciated. It's hugging them tightly when you see them. Thanking God for another safe shift. LauraBeth Parker, a Loyal LEO Wife
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Time for my pay of respect, from my heart, to our Blue. You see 4 men here, 3 are fathers, 1 is single, and 1 just met the love of his life. 1 has a wife cheating on him, 1 missed his car payment because he had to help his mother get her meds, 2 are up for promotion, 1 is thinking about leaving, 2 are best friends and the other 2 just met. 3 had rough childhoods, 1 just does this to continue service, the other 3 are following tradition in their families of civil service, 1 is trying to buy a house, 1 may lose his house, however...
You will notice the world on their backs... yes? I put it there to signify us, as a society, and the weight they carry aside from their personal skeletons, worries of bills getting paid, being there for their families, spending time with newborns, trying to get themselves through school to better their career, waiting on test results that could end their career, not feeling good enough, insecure, misunderstood, unheard, feeling of being lonely, even unloved... they carry us, everyday, on their backs. When they get home they worry about the kids that got pulled from the home they were called to because of the parents fighting, they worry about the young college girl who was raped over the weekend and is struggling to remember details, they worry about the store clerk who called because his store was robbed by force and there was use of a weapon, they worry about if the little boy at the store is scared of them because of what the parents told the child about the police. They have hearts, fears, compassion, concern, they bleed, they cry, they ache, they catch colds, they have allergies, they eat food and they sleep just like us. They drink, they laugh... and hard. They can be silly, and then serious at a moments notice, THEY ARE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT HUMANS. Remember that when you encounter the next Officer, you do not know his or her story. Your words may be the kindest he or she hears in days... -BOLO- Living the puzzle one piece at a time.... That's what being the wife of a police officer is like. It’s as if your life, the sum of all of your relationships and experiences is a puzzle... only instead of showing the people around you the entire puzzle, you only show them the pieces they like... the pieces they approve of.
I would love to speak openly to friends and family members about the amazing things my husband does for our little family and community everyday... but instead, I try to avoid conversations about his line of work. When we meet new people or make new friends we only ever say that he is employed by the city. We never go into further detail, unless they continue to pursue that line of questioning. I’ve tried to find others who understand what it is like to live this life... but find that they often don’t want to hear about other aspects of my life... and so... I’ve learned to live my life, outside of my home, and some of my closest friends, one piece of the puzzle at a time... Always having to compartmentalize a piece of yourself can leave you feeling really alone. Feeling alone when you're actually alone isn't half as lonely as feeling alone when you're surrounded by people who supposedly understand... Somedays are less difficult than others. Somedays he comes home to a homemade meal and a well-kept house. Somedays he has a good day at “the office.” Somedays the individuals he comes in contact with thank him, for his help personally or his service to our community. Somedays he feels like he is making a difference and that life is moving in a forward direction. Those days can be few and far between. Today was not one of them. Today he felt overwhelmed by his caseload and other quotas he is supposed to meet at work. Today he wished that he made more money and had more time off to spend with me and our children. Today he felt as though he was failing in more than one aspect of his life and responsibilities. Today he collapsed into bed exhausted from all that was weighing down on him physically and mentally. Today was more typical than somedays. It is on days like today that I worry the most about him... He tries to do too much, and I often feel like I am failing him. There was no homemade dinner waiting for him today, and the house was a far cry from well-kept. The kids were excited to see him though. They always are. And I was so grateful to have him home again. Nothing in life is guaranteed and this is even truer for those in this line of work. I receive notifications of all of the line of duty officer deaths via email. It feels like a piece of my heart breaks with each and every one. There are days when it just feels too heavy—knowing that somewhere in this nation someone's son, someone's husband, someone's Father will never come home again. That somewhere there are loved ones wishing they had given their LEO just one more hug, just one more kiss, or said just one more, “I love you.” So, tonight, even though things did not go as well as either of us would have hoped they had, I showered him with kisses and held him. There was even a moment when he almost laughed. And although he had already fallen asleep, the kids and I both told him “goodnight” and told him that we love him. And when all was said and done, today was enough. And maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow will be one of those “somedays.” But even if it is not... as long as he comes home it will be enough. ~Halo~ Tonight we went out! No radio, no cell phone, no contact with our normal outside world, other than each other. Times like this are few and far between when you're married to a LEO. We rarely get time away from everything work related, home duties and other responsibilities all at the same time! We try our best to have a date every week, but it doesn't always work out. This week, it just so happened that we had a few days together, so we decided to go away together, relax and recover. Tonight, for the first time in a while, I did it all; meaning, shaving my legs, putting extra time into my makeup, painting my nails, wearing shimmery lotion and wearing his favorite dress and perfume of mine (all at the same time). It's so easy to fall into habits when you live a separate schedule than your LEO! Do you find yourself wearing sweat pants by the time he gets home, makeup already washed off, hair in a bun and a general lax attitude toward how you look and feel. We must remember as women, and more importantly, as LEOWs, that we are still lovely and feminine! It's those small steps in the wrong direction that lead to a huge gap in your marriage. We have to make sure that we remember what it was like in the first 6 months. Did you make sure to look cute when you saw him? Did you put a few extra minutes into how you looked and felt, maybe even wearing some scented lotions, etc.? Many of you may think this is crazy talk, and that's ok because we are all unique, but some of you will remember how you approached things before you were married and were dating. Are you still putting in that bit of time to feel good about yourself and help your husband have desire for you, or do you only do it for the outside world these days? As women, we need to be the flower and as men, they need to be the bee. They are drawn to us because of many little things, and they fall in love with us because of our inner beauty, confidence and character, knowing we will love them and have the strength to be a LEOW, showing them unrelenting love and support. Men are more visual than women. They need for us to put the time and effort in to draw them to us! Especially in their line of work, they shouldn't have to stress to feel a connection with you when they get home. This may sound vain to some of you, and I totally understand, but some of you will know exactly what I mean. We are all different and every relationship has different needs. We cannot base our needs on what other couples do. Take care of yourself. Make yourself and your home a place that your husband craves. I read a quote in a magazine once that said, "You don't flirt when he looks good, you flirt when you look good!" That is very true for me, so I find myself as much more outgoing and confident when I feel good. Marriage is work, but sometimes the work isn't too hard, we just forgot that there are many, many different paths to maintain. Patricia Landfair Wife of a LEO My husband’s decision to pursue a career in Law Enforcement never terrified me as much as it does since I learned I was expecting our first child. By that time he was graduating from a local Reserve Academy. The reoccurring theme of my pregnancy nightmares was that he would be killed in the line of duty and I would be left to raise our child alone. As a Mother, my desire to protect my children from the oft times cruel realities of this world is almost instinctual, but children are more aware of the world around them than we give them credit for. They are intelligent and bright and their innocence is becoming more fleeting in the world we live in today. We are making them grow up too fast. My husband and I try not to discuss some of the more serious and solemn topics that face LEOs and their families, when our children are within ear shot. We don’t want them to worry. They shouldn’t have to. We want to preserve their innocence for as long as possible. We want their childhoods to be full of learning and laughter, happiness and joy. I don’t really know how much my children understand. They know that when Daddy suits up and leaves for work he is going to help keep them and others safe from individuals who would hurt us. They know there are bad people in this world. They even know what some of those people do. It is tragic that we have to teach our children at such a young age about childhood abuse and sexual predation, but we want them to know that if anything ever happens to them, it wouldn’t be their fault, and they can always come and tell us. What I do know, is they understand that before Daddy leaves for work we always tell him we love him, give him a hug, and tell him goodnight. They know that we include Daddy and all of our military members and first responders in our prayers each night. And they are learning that in the morning we play in the front room and try to be quiet so that Daddy can sleep, because he was up working the night before. Sometimes my oldest asks questions. She is 5, and she rarely lets me get away with an oversimplified answer. She wants to know the specifics, and she takes it all in stride at such a very young age. My youngest child usually crawls into be with me on nights when Daddy works. He is 3 and on other nights he sleeps in his own bed with only the occasional interruptions from night terrors or growing pains. I know that they know more than they let on. I hope and pray that I never have to explain to them why Daddy didn’t come home one night. I see the faces of Law Enforcement spouses and children who have lost their husbands or wives and Fathers or Mothers, and it breaks my heart, because I know... we all know, that it could just as easily be us in their situation. Our LEOs face enough hazards on the job, even without evil men and women gunning them down. Enough is enough. Please pray for our men and women in Blue. Their families need them to come home. We need him to come home. #hislifematters ~Halo~ Wish I could protect you from everything that hurts Somebody on Facebook posted a picture of Katherine and Ethan Vincent, Trooper Vincent’s wife and child. Usually we just post the passing of an Officer and we share our condolences, and we keep them in our prayers and we keep pushing. It’s a little different when you see the faces of the ones that are left behind. Last night our sister went to bed alone, with no chance of hearing the sound we all long to hear when our spouse goes 10-7. She didn’t hear about his day. She didn’t make dinner for three. She didn’t put a fresh uniform together for the next day. This young man, by extension being our nephew, went to bed untucked and unkissed by Daddy last night. He didn’t crawl up in his lap and chill. He didn’t ask a hundred questions. He didn’t get reminded to tell Mommy goodnight and to be a good boy tomorrow in school. She woke up this morning trying to figure out what to do, where to start, what needs to be done, who’s coming to the house today. “How will I get our son through this?” “How will I get through this?” “Does it even get any easier?” She is in a dark place holding the hand of their young man, trying to find the light, that is in fact there, but they can’t see it right now. All they hear are voices in the dark and see no faces. “Are you alright?” “Do you need anything?” “We’re here if you need to talk.” “Do you want us to stay with you?” “We have some paperwork to go over and need you to sign.” “What were his wishes?” “Do you wish to see a bereavement counselor? We recommend it for your child.” I know the questions all too well from experience. Time, for these two, has ceased to exist. In her mind, there are two, only two other times, when this has happened—the day she married her hero and the day she gave birth to her other hero. That day she woke up and her sit began just like any other day. Her sit now continues through meetings, cries alone, hiding in the bathroom, through a funeral, a graveside, and a long quiet dark ride back to the home they built together. Katherine, you are not alone and you never will be. Ethan you are not alone and you never will be. I am the significant other of an amazing Law Enforcement Officer and I will sit with you forever. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I am grateful for your husband’s service. I have never stepped foot in Louisiana, but I am sure his generosity, his selflessness, his kindness, his as-need-be strictness has radiated, as it is a domino effect. Today we sit with you, Katherine and Ethan. Katherine, you are not forgotten, your trooper will not be forgotten, and your young man that is a reflection of the love that you shared, will not be forgotten either. -BOLO- #soIsit
We went back to Starbucks on our first date where he noticed a large fight across the street. I was so into the conversation I didn't even realize what was happening as he politely excused himself and promised to return. Thankfully, he did return, because if he hadn't the outcome to our relationship might have been different. We are here 5 years later married with two beautiful girls.
When I first got married, I envisioned my life would be something like this: I would pick up his dirty socks, make him bacon and coffee, and we would spend a lot of time at the beach together. The idea of a white picket fence kind of life halted when he had to work through every holiday, anniversary, and birthday. I began to experience what being a Police Officer's wife was really like. I often went to church by myself, took care of our new infant alone - day and night, and kissed him goodbye as he left for work on his only day off because he would be called in for the dreaded mandatory! I felt so alone behind the doors of our home, but I held it together so nicely in front of everyone. I would just wait for him to come home and take off the uniform, just to hear the sound of the Velcro on his bullet proof vest. I knew then he was safe. I've learned you never stop being a Police Officer. It's not a career that you can just clock out of. My husband has had to learn to leave work at work when he comes home, but his passion to protect and serve others can never just be turned off. When we go on vacations, I normally look out the window and see all of the billboards and scenery, but he usually sees a car on fire from a mile away. Going out to eat, we always have to sit in a certain place just so he is able to see the front door, and we have a code word if he recognizes any person he has previously arrested or booked in jail. I know to walk in the other direction. The first year of marriage, I learned not to ask how his day was because he sees more than the average person and just needs to decompress and leave work at work. If he takes off his boots outside upon returning to work, I've figured out that an inmate has thrown feces on him. There are great perks to working in law enforcement like free car washes, half off at Chick-fil-A, and great health insurance. People often stop my husband to give appreciation for all he does. The other side of law enforcement is that you have a life insurance policy in case you are killed in the line of duty. In the month of December on Christmas Eve, Jet Blue was offering free plane rides to officers to travel to New York City to pay respects to the fallen Police Officers who were shot and murdered while sitting in their patrol car. The names of those two officers were Officer Wenjian Liu and Officer Rafael Ramos. My husband asked me if it was okay to go. I said it was okay, but at first I didn't quite understand why he would rather be with another family; especially with our time being so limited already. I now understand the sisterhood and brotherhood of his career. Thousands of men and women wearing blue showed up on the street where one of the fallen Officers had attended church, in honor of him. Furthermore, since meeting my husband and becoming a police wife I've learned that being a Police Officer is not just about having a badge, gun, police car, wearing a uniform, or giving out tickets. It is a calling you do everyday. To serve and protect. There has definitely been controversy recently about Police brutality, but this is my personal story about something that has impacted my life and I have to make a choice to look at the positive sides of being in a Law Enforcement family. I could never close my eyes to what is happening in our country regarding our Officers, but for the integrity of the story I want to stay focused on my husband coming home to his family every night for dinner or "breakfast" as he calls it. I always say my husband is the strongest man in the world. He is quite literally strong because he has to be. The only weapons he has in his specific place of employment, are his bare hands and a can of mace. Even though he is tough, he really cares about people and wants to help them in any way he can, even if it means he has to come home late. Lastly, my husband's passion for Law Enforcement has shaped the person who I am today, because I realize it takes a strong family unit to support one another in this career. I am the woman behind the badge. I've most recently been able to be apart of a support group for the police wives side of things and it has been a great relief building friendships with other women who share this kind of life. I feel so unbelievably grateful for all the people I have met in this line of work, and my husband's heart for people and Law Enforcement as well as the thousands of others who bravely serve everyday. ~Rev~
The kids and I tried to find reasons for him to stay. "Just one more minute!" we begged. We tried giving hugs, kisses, words about our day, and everything else for attention. He rolled down the window and said "Thank you for all you do and I love you." Before I knew it, I could see the tinted car and his tail lights. Maybe your day was something like mine. If it was, just know that overtime doesn't last forever, and God sees your hard work. To the women and men behind the badge... You are doing better than you think you are. ~Rev~ Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. Last week, I came across a rather lengthy post on Facebook that accused those of us who post “photo tributes to police and commendations of their public service” of taking “a passive-aggressive” side in the debate of “police brutality against people of color.” The author of the post went so far as to say “Now, there are officers who deserve commendation because they do or have done heroic things in the name of public service. But now is not their time, nor yours and I don’t think you understand why this is offensive.” To this author, let me tell you why I find your post offensive. You say that “public outcry against law enforcement is not a condemnation of [my loved one] who has dedicated his or her life to a public mission,” that I should “shudder at the cases that have been publicized and... denounce the actions of [these men and women] in blue.” The problem with your argument is that in many of the cases of which you speak, only one side of the story has been publicized, and calls for “justice” are being made before all of the facts are known. The result of skipping due process in cases that involve police officers is evident in the declining morale of our officers, and the war that has been declared on them. They are literally being hunted down and murdered, for no other reason than the fact that they are Law Enforcement Officers. Furthermore, I don’t post tributes and commendations as a passive aggressive side to your supposed debate. I post them to make sure that the men and women I love and care about know that the good work they are doing is being seen and making a difference. Without these positive posts, they would be even more overwhelmed by all of the negative rantings of individuals like you, who must be truly naïve as to what their job requires them to witness and deal with. Yes, they are human. Yes, they can and do make mistakes. And yes, sometimes—just sometimes, there are those who do dishonor the badge that they carry. These, however are an extreme minority, and their actions should not be used to discredit and demoralize an entire occupation of men and women who risk their lives every day. This year, so far, 70 officers have been killed in the line of duty or as a result of injuries or illnesses they sustained in the line of duty. 18 of those officers have been killed by gunfire alone. If you honestly believe that they should not be recognized for the sacrifices they make, please have the guts to tell their families that “now is not their time.” Say it to the faces of individuals like Ashton and Saralyn Lunger, the daughters of Sergeant Scott Lunger, who was shot and killed while conducting a traffic stop on July 22nd. Like many others, he never even had a chance to defend himself. "This isn’t fair. This is pain you can’t put into words because it’s just not real. And I am so angry when I have to realize that it is. Because you were my best friend. And no little girl should have to say goodbye to her heroic best friend.” NOW IS HIS TIME.
His life mattered. NOW IS THEIR TIME. Their lives matter... and we should NOT wait "for a particular reason" to share the good. In this line of work, if you wait... you may never have the opportunity again. ~Halo~ |
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